RELINQUISHING CONTROL
I enjoy jogging. I try to do this frequently and I always have a goal in mind – beating my personal best i.e. finishing faster than the last time; so I try to take control by constantly monitoring my pace. To my amazement, every time I try to control the outcome, I do not beat it but surprisingly when I let go and enjoy the flow and rhythm instead, I do much better than I planned.
I have come to realise that things go much more smoothly when I give up control—when I allow them to happen instead of making them happen.
Control runs parallel with power, action, results, productivity and accomplishment in its highest expression. It is a theme that binds all of humanity together with a common thread of suffering and pain. This can present itself through emotions of frustration, exhaustion and burn out.
Digging into the root of the need to control a specific outcome, I have come to discover that control is rooted in fear. We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we let things play out by themselves.
When we trust that we are okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we let go and we open ourselves to all sorts of wonderful possibilities that are not there when we are attached to one “right” path.
Do you know that the energy of surrender accomplishes much more than the energy of control?
When attempting to be in control, our vision gets very narrow and focused, breath is shallow, adrenaline is pumping and the heart rate increases. The mind shifts from topic to topic and from past to future very quickly and we have little concentration, poor memory and almost no present-moment awareness.
In surrender mode, we are calm and peaceful, breathing deeply and present in the moment. We see clearly and our vision extends out allowing us to see the bigger picture. The great irony is that attempting to control things actually makes you feel like you have less control. When we are micro-managing and obsessing over details, we are in our own way.
Surrendering is not about inaction, indifference and passivity. Surrendering is about holding the frequency of deep trust. Surrendering involves a deep awareness of acceptance and a consistent decision to release the outcomes and expectations held hostage by the mind. It is the holding of spaciousness and lightness even in the perils of uncertainty.
To surrender and release control in our lives, it is essential to be curious about the reasons for control. Adopt a beginner’s mindset. Adopt a gentle self-inquiry but avoid heavy self judgement.
Make your peace your highest priority. Your peace is sacred. When we prioritise our peace, we are also prioritising our self-worth. Oftentimes, the need for control is tied to attaching our self-worth with idealised outcomes and situations to please others. Begin by embracing and befriending imperfections. Choose individuality and authenticity. Be willing to disappoint others and do not let anyone override your inner peace.
Finally, trust the process. Releasing control and the art of surrender takes time to master. Go easy with yourself and it is okay to witness yourself in instances when you let fear and control overwhelm you or hinder you from your higher self’s deep guidance.
The greatness of a man’s power is the measure of his surrender.
