WAS I IN A SIMULATION?
Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality?
This question posed by Bernard Lowe to Dolores Abernathy countless times in the series, Westworld struck a chord with me. Strangely, I felt like I also needed to answer the same question.
No.
Just like Dolores’ answer, I hadn’t – but I felt unsettled by that answer. Should I question my reality? Was I in a simulation? Was I also a host (robot) for the voice in my head?
Just like a robot, I was able to pause, rewind and play back episodes since my breakout. As luck would have it, there were still vivid scenes despite the swift passage of time as 7 years had already gone by.
Miss, by-now-turned-Mrs, Independent was a fully-fledged adult at the prime of her professional career. With a stroke of good fortune, she was living her investment banker dream; fully engrossed in a fiercely competitive struggle for recognition, wealth and power which had rewarded her with some really nice things like a German automobile, a house in the posh suburb of Sandton in Johannesburg and many overseas work stints and vacations.
The voice in my head deserved at least a round of applause! What was there to mope about when I was sitting above the upper middle class in South Africa’s privileged 10%? Despite being its host, the intrusive voice had done an excellent job in shaping my identity. My identity? What is my identity?
My replay only uncovered the piercing truth: I was the product of pre-programmed assumptions, perceptions, ideas and notions which created the “reality” of the story I was experiencing. I woke up each day to an imaginary voice – my blueprint which was a replica of a selected system designed to fit into a model that had been refined over time; dictated by social norms, cultures and religion which tyrannized the process of natural selection. It lacked originality, it lacked authenticity, it lacked my own footprint!
My memories were intact and real, howbeit totally flawed. The unsettling feeling that I was just a host was indeed true. I had encountered something that conflicted with that reality and I could not be blind to it, ignore it, or find some way to make it fit that fake narrative.
My life was now filled with signs, all of them hinting, that things are not what I had believed them to be. I had to question those assumptions, perceptions, ideas and notions – my “reality”! I had to find the key to unlock my FREE WILL!
A being's only reason for being is being.
Everything else is an illusion, a construction of our brains, or of our societies, to achieve survival.
Back to the present day, I am still in the process of finding my true self, the essence of my being. It is like figuring out the right channel out of a puzzling network of paths, trapped in a maze of your own thoughts. It is an endless journey of unpiecing algorithms that are embedded in your biochemical pathways; causing emotions and reactions that lead to fear, worry and anxiety, with the end product of continuous pain and suffering.
I still ponder on these famous quotes:
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
A person starts to live when he can live outside himself.
4 Responses
Great article! Made me also reflect on my life… I have been asking myself this question since I was kid. Content from a philosopher called Alan Watts and a book called the Law of One helped me get some perspective on this.
Thank you. I am pleased to hear that this article sparks reflection. Alan Watts was a great philosopher and we can always learn from his perspective on life although each one walks a unique path which is neither prefabricated nor predestined.
Finding one’s true self – doesn’t it start with the question.. what is true about myself? I think that is a very important but difficult question to answer. Being such a difficult task to unfold coupled with the idealized person we become shaped by society and expectations of who/what we should be, I think being one’s true self is most often an illusion.
As I read this, I reflect on my life and I really think this is a great wake-up call.
Thanks so much for vulnerably sharing your heart in this very well-scripted post.
Definitely a difficult question to answer. Most times we are merely an extension of those we surround ourselves with according to the famous saying, “show me your friend and I’ll show you who you are”. Is there any originality in your identity? I think that is a question we should ponder on daily!